Photo from our end of the year camping trip, the apex of discomfort and therefore, growth.
My most impactful year
Sophomore year was nothing close to a slump. This was the year where I learned more about myself than any other. I love each and every one of my Sophomore year teachers for everything they taught me about the world, myself, and how to make sure that I don't get too caught on just one. "Be Uncomfortable." The catchphrase that my humanities teacher, Laszlo Folks, ingrained into my heart forever. I will never forget how much I gained from just two words. In order to do anything in life, we must push ourselves past the status quo. We cannot be content when we are comfortable because we can only grow if we are not. If you'd like to learn more about this year, I have pasted both scripts of my semesterly Presentations of Learning below so that you can begin to fathom just how impactful a group of amazing teachers and motivated students can be.
Iza McGawley, Dec. 2016 Presentation of Learning
*Shakes hand* My name is Izadora Amaris McGawley. I am a 15 year old Sophomore High Tech High Chula Vista, a project based school, where rather than learning through lectures and textbooks, I am pushed to complete interdisciplinary projects that help to build life skills and experience. At this internationally known school, I am President of the Gay Straight Alliance, a Student Ambassador to educators that visit from around the world, a member of the rowing team, voices in politics club, and previously the “Mathletes”. I also recently completed my first semester as a student teacher/facilitator for the Women’s Health elective and will soon be starting an Ethnic Studies class with some friends of mine. Outside of school, I am Secretary of my Youth and Government delegation, which is a statewide mock legislature and court program. Over the summer, I was a research intern at the USD Institute for Peace and Justice with a focus on gender-based violence. I also am a student at Escuelita Aztlan, a chicano activist Saturday School, am taking classes at Southwestern College, a leader of my church’s youth program, and I play guitar! Oh and did I mention that my life has become nothing more than a resume to recite while “networking”? How about the fact that the sound of my own voice has started to make me feel sick? Or that my peers are intimidated by me? I am 15 years old and for some reason, my group members feel they need to report to me when they finish work or don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to do.
I am going to be honest. The things I just shared with you are very personal to me. This past semester, Faces of Change was another thing to add to the list of things I get to say to adults when they ask about my life. My parents are very proud of me, so are professional people I have only met once, and so am I. I am not proud of the way that I am now perceived. I see myself as someone who has lived a very privileged life, not because of the reasons that most might think, but because my interests and ability to articulate myself naturally align with what society deems a “successful student”. I am no better than anyone, I am no smarter than the rest of the class, I was just born with the right traits and therefore got by easily. Growing up, my teachers did not push me, they would look at me and wink when I asked if my work was good. They would tell me I had nothing to worry about. Like I was in on the secret. But what secret were they talking about? What were they implying about my classmates? I don’t like feeling like I am a part of some “good student” club and I don’t like it when people compliment me by putting my peers down.
That’s not to say it hasn’t leaked into my subconscious or my work habits. Because of my high aptitude in the classroom, it has always been easier for me to do all the work myself. This past semester, this became extremely apparent to me. I became overpowering and bossy in my group because I felt that I knew the best way to get everyone an A in the project. This might sound like a contradiction to what I just said about me not being any better than my groupmates, but when you are constantly subjected to praise from teachers and straight As in every class, it’s easy to slip into bad habits that do not match up to what you truly believe. For some reason, my group members were okay with me taking over. I would try to apologize to them, but I think they were happy to rely on me for everything. It makes sense, we finally have a project that is supposed to be student run and challenge our ability to self-regulate, so when someone just takes the place of the teacher, the challenge is gone.
The fact that my beliefs and my actions were not working together was a major cause of stress for me. On one hand, I was being really productive, our project was coming together, and LOOK AT ALL THOSE CUTE FIRST GRADERS. On the other hand, I had low self confidence, I felt disgusting and ashamed of my actions, and I was really, really hard on myself. The ride home from school usually involved me complaining about how terrible of a leader I was.
I know for a fact that I was exaggerating these things in my head and I should have just forgiven myself, and while yes that was part of the resolution, being true to myself and my morals was not something I would ignore. I would tell you that I had a shining moment in the project in which everything was better and resolved. That would be a lie. What I can say, is that there were several moments where I felt a shift in my attitude, and through that there was a shift in my actions. I tried my best to push my fellow group members to speak their ideas. I gave myself specific goals where I would only speak to build off of ideas, rather than shutting them down. I started to recognize what I was stressing over as a place of growth, not a place of self hate. When I felt like I was doing something for the students at NCMS or making a positive difference in anyone’s life in National City, I felt my self love boost. With empathy and connection, I had the ability to relieve the issues I have dealt with so long, and Faces of Change became more than just an item for my resume. So how have I become a changemaker? A changemaker is someone who can set a goal and be productive, but also someone who is selfless and adaptable. A changemaker is someone who never stops learning from their work. This project challenged me more than I think I have ever been challenged in school. Through it I grew as a leader, as an aware community member, and as a person who can and does feel confident in their ability to succeed in even the most ambitious of projects. I found my flaws and fretted over them, but I also worked to change them. I am a changemaker because I recognize that I still have room to grow, and I will work and empathize with others to do so.
Iza McGawley, June 2017 Transitional Presentation of Learning
To whom it may concern, In the past few months, I have been introduced to two different men. Chris McCandless, a privileged, upper middle class, overly philosophical hedonist, and Che Guevara, a man who gave up everything for justice and his people, a hero who died fighting. Which one is the right one? Which life is the life I want to live? Like every great hero, I had to take a journey in order to find the answers. And in my odyssey, rather than love, than money, than faith, than fame, than fairness... I wanted truth.
Little boys and girls Smiling faces A dream to change the world In only 5 phases
I remember a pain in my throat from yelling over the sound of the classroom, rumbling Mumbling that I was never doing enough But always feeling that I was doing too much My head throbbing I was either selfishly tired Or selflessly wired Choosing to do nothing or everything
I looked forward to the times when I could just listen See their eyes glisten To the stories I heard I always referred When I needed to remember my purpose
But why does progress take so long? But why don’t people cooperate? But why is there so much pain and wrong? But where is the effort to stop the hate?
“Sometimes [s]he tried too hard to make sense of the world, to figure out why people were bad to each other so often.”
So I was torn. Che Guevara, my personal hero, once said, “In the future individualism ought to be the efficient utilization of the whole individual for the absolute benefit of a collectivity.” So this was my path. This was my moment of moral obligation. I use this term a lot because for me, I didn’t feel like I could pursue a career in art, writing, botany, or farming. I had to give up my happiness in order to stand with the people and give myself to the revolution. I once heard a wise woman sum up this feeling. She said, “Activism is not a job or something you desire. It is something you take like breath, food, and water. You cannot take a break from fighting injustice because injustice never sleeps.” So I buried myself in anything I could do at 15 and lit myself on fire with the bright red blaze of the fight. The same blaze that Ernesto saw in the mines of Chile, the same one I see at every protest and march.
My feet were always tapping Pen always clicking In the classroom I heard the sound of distant screams Bombs dropping Children crying for their mothers Dying as they were smothered by the fumes of nerve gas Collapsed buildings Gunshots
My hands were chained Taking notes on the suffering When I should be out comforting The woman who just lost another son The little boy who was handed a gun And told to march
How sad that our dictionaries are so different To me march is the month that brings exhibition Not execution March is when I stress about having a 99 instead of 100 Not when I worry if my wife is safe when the sun goes down
Here we were debating about our political opinions and playing pretend While they wonder if this is the day that they meet their end
And like the click click click of my pen So goes my heartbeat Accelerating
In the hero’s journey, they often leave out the part where the hero loses themselves. Where they cry daily and feel adrenaline in their veins constantly. I felt angry that we talked so much and never did anything to help. Like how Chris wanted to fight against apartheid, I wanted to catch the first flight to Syria or open a home for undocumented immigrants or anything that would somehow make a difference even in one person’s life. But I began to forget about my own. I was consumed by negativity and negativity is no way to help people. This was the breaking point.
So we went into the wild And I forgot about the world for a moment I could feel the bliss of every child And my energy flowing
I could understand why Chris wanted to leave Because here you do not grieve And even though running away is not the answer I felt stronger when I was happier
As my year came to an end, I took time to reflect on who I had become. Silence became a close friend of mine, along with the bugs, the bees, the rivers and the trees. These experiences helped me to understand what I love and find balance between my own happiness and using myself as a catalyst for change. I know now that I cannot be Che Guevara without being a little bit of Chris McCandless. I will always stand with my people, because people are my passion and my light at the end of the tunnel. But I will also stand with myself.
And even though the path will be thousands of miles I know I can do it when I remember those smiles The little boys and girls The dream to change the world And so I took my journey a step at a time